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Thursday, April 10, 2008

Push and Pull

This week is spring break for my children, so I'm with them at the beach. My daughter is a teenager and about to head off to college (in a little over a year) and my son is in middle school. He still likes to play with mom. My daughter, on the other hand, is happier with the teenage best girl friend she brought with her, and I understand that, although I don't have to like it.

As we sat on the beach yesterday, I watched a young mother (at least she looked young to ME, but then my idea of young is changing...) in a full-blown, all out, verbal altercation with her teenage son. They were standing about a foot apart, and both were making full eye contact. I couldn't hear what they were saying (although from all the gesturing and animation I can guess) but the son wasn't backing down at all and the mother was holding her ground as well. There was a good bit of finger pointing on the part of the mother. The son listened, interrupted infrequently (to his credit), and then responded, although it seemed not to be the response the mother desired. I had to smile, but it was a smile through a tear. I was also watching a number of parents with VERY young children. The children would sometimes run into the surf, then back to "home base" for reassurance. Some of them stuck close to mom or dad, and in a few instances at least, the parents seemed desperate for some "adult" time. I even heard one dad begging, with the offer of a huge bribe, if the trio of teen girls in front of us would babysit that evening! I remember those days as if they were yesterday, and I'm living the teen years with my own children now.

It's push pull isn't it? We push, they pull. We pull, they push. Growing up is a series of tug of wars as children seek and find independence, and parents first provide security, then opportunities for maturation. What brought the tear to my eye was the realization that for a long time now, I've been doing most of the pulling, and my oldest has been pushing off hard.

Do I miss the days when I couldn't have an adult conversation that wasn't interrupted with "Mommy! Watch this!" Yes, I do. I was never the parent that couldn't wait until my children were grown and out of the house. I am the parent that dreads that journey to the dorm with a van full of luggage and furniture.

Push and pull. I think it's like that with us and God. God pulls us to God, and yet we, in our quest for independence, push away. Remember how good it felt to be a child and run into the loving arms of a parent? Remember, if you are a parent, how good it felt to have your child look up at you with such love and trust as you gathered them into your arms?

Why do we fight God so hard? I don't know, but I am thankful every day that God keeps pulling us toward the unending and unconditional source of mercy and love.

Teresa