Never Bought a Father's Day Card

It occurred to me yesterday, as a celebrated Father's Day with my husband that I had never in my life purchased a Father's Day card. 

You may think I'm going to say that I always made a sweet, handmade card.  But no.  I wish that were the case.

My parents were divorced when I was 18 months old and my father lived very far away from us.  He visited a couple of times a year, at first, then rarely as I got older, and then years would go by and I wouldn't hear from him. 

My father suffered from alcoholism.  That's a very polite way of saying that he was a drunk.  He wasn't an elegant but sometimes frustrating man with a drinking problem.  He never held a job for longer than a month.  He called my elementary school drunk insisting they make me come to the phone.  He threatened to kill himself if I didn't persuade my mother to return to him (and I was only six at the time).  He was a mess.  An incredibly handsome, brilliant, talented, tortured mess. 

It just wasn't a greeting card sort of relationship.

When I was in college, my father's girlfriends, who were numerous, were younger than I was.  He would later father a child, now 30, with a woman who was a drug addict and skipped town leaving him with a baby, raised by his family.  She is now an addicted mess too.

But before you think I hated my father, let me set the record straight.  I adored him.  I loved him beyond reason.  I tried everything I knew to get him in recovery.  And when he died, in his early 50s, I attended his funeral and grieved the father I never had, but who taught me everything I needed to know about the dangers of addiction, about loneliness, about the courage needed to fight demons, and most of all, about forgiveness.  I learned how to work hard and stay away from drugs and alcohol.  I learned to build and sustain healthy relationships.  I learned about boundaries.  And I learned a lot about grace.

His family loved and cared for him for the duration.  Enabling?  Probably.  I don't recommend it by the way.  But they tried, the best they could, and he likely lived a lot longer because of them.

A few weeks ago, my aunt called to say that she wanted to send me my parent's wedding pictures and a few heirlooms from Ireland that my great-great-grandfather brought over when he married my native american great-great-grandmother.  I was delighted, not just about the pictures and the things, but delighted that for the first time in my life, I was able to thank her for taking care of my dad, for the grace she had shown in dealing with his disease.  She cried.  I smiled.

So even though we didn't have a Hallmark relationship, my father taught me much.  He was well loved, by me and by many.  Now, I see those who struggle and suffer in a different way.

Was my father's illness God's plan?  Of course not!  Did God help me see through a different, more compassionate lens because of my experience with his illness?  Absolutely. 

So for those of you who may have had difficult relationships with your father, I encourage you to allow God to heal that by seeing the grace in it.  I didn't get what I wanted, but I got something very valuable. 

Happy Father's Day Daddy. 

Teresa

So Who am I?

Do you ever struggle with self-doubt?  I believe that even the most confident person has moments of self-doubt (unless they are either delusional or totally self actuated)!

I don't consider myself a risk taker, but I am an opportunity taker.  If I am given an opening, I will "go for it" just about every time.  And why not?  In 100 years, will anyone even know if I risked and failed, or missed the mark?  Am I really all that?

I think we both inflate our own importance and minimize our own potential.  We are too shy or embarrassed or lack the confidence to think we can and should be happy and successful and accomplished, and that puts more importance on our individual selves than is probably healthy.  And yet, we also forget that we are part of an organism, of a greater creation, that needs each individual entity functioning at optimal capacity in order to be healthy.  So, we are both a small cog and part of a great machinery.

As I anticipate the publication of a book in July, and another in August or September, write my doctoral dissertation, begin another book for publication in August 2013, step into certified professional coaching, continue growing a unique and wonderful community of faith, see my changing role as a parent of two adults rather than two children, and dream of all my future may hold, I am not immune to that nagging self-doubt, that fear of failure or ridicule.  After all, who am I? 

Well, isn't that just the bottom line, the heart of the matter?  Who am I?

I am, like all of you, created in the image of God, filled with God's own spirit, bold and timid, hopeful and conflicted, eager and wary.  But in those moments when I see the door open, and I catch a glimpse of who I really am and what can be if I am only willing to seize the ring, I am filled with gratitude at the opportunities that the universe provides, and ready to jump, head long and with a shout of joy, into life.  And I hope you will too.

Ready?  Set.  Go!

Teresa

www.stresslesspreaching.com

The Rule of 56

Does your life have balance?  Most of us are way out of whack when it comes to creating time for rest, work, and recreation.  A good friend of mine pointed out to me some time ago the Rule of 56.

Look at your entire week and try to map out where you spend your time then check for balance.  For example, there are  168 hours in a week.  My advice is that you should sleep 1/3 of the time (56 hours), work 1/3 of the time (56 hours), and spend the other 1/3 (56 hours) in recreation, hobbies, and other non-work related pursuits.  Most of us spend far more than 56 hours a week working, at the expense of either sleep or family/friends/pets/fun/relaxation/hobbies/SABBATH/etc. 

Where do you need to create balance?

I cover this and more in my book, Stressless Preaching, which will be released in July!