Fear

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.

1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.
2. Write the story that has to be written.

That is my writing assignment for today.

I have fought fear almost all my life. I just hide it well. I've been afraid of heights, afraid of my own anger, afraid of loneliness, afraid that something bad might happen to one of my children, afraid of looking foolish, afraid of speaking my mind, afraid of the anger of others.

Right now the most pressing fear I have concerns the financial health of Sacred Tapestry, this amazing, innovative, healing, holy ministry that I serve. I'm afraid that unless the hearts of the congregation open in a big way our future may not be what we hope. No...that's letting my fear speak. Here is the real truth, I'm afraid that we won't make it. There. I said it. I have kept my tongue and put on a smile and a brave front mainly because I didn't want anyone jumping ship for fear the ship is sinking, but the truth is, we are taking on water, fast. For the first time since opening in February of 2007, we cannot pay our bills this month.

No one wants to hear the church talk about money. I get that. No one feels they have too much and are just looking for a place to put their extra dollars. I get that too. But my fear is unless there is a real, serious, ongoing financial commitment to Sacred Tapestry on the part of all involved, this vibrant, special community may end.

The challenge for today is to "write the story that has to be written" without letting fear stop me, so I have. It's right out there, ugly, visible, and honest. But my need to be transparent is greater than my fear that any mention of money will drive folks out of church.

My hope and prayer is that many will look into their hearts, and bank accounts, and decide that keeping Sacred Tapestry open and thriving is more important than eating out and vacations and jewelry and all the other "stuff" we spend money on, that community and having a safe place to come and express doubt, fear, and pain is more important than vacations and salons. My hope is that you will take your own 15 minutes and write something true in your own life that may make you feel vulnerable and a little scared, because I know that it's in those places of vulnerability and fear that we find God.

With a vulnerable heart,

Teresa