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Friday, January 28, 2011

No Man Left Behind

I don't come from a military family. My cousin is career Air Force and my step-father was career Navy, but retired before I ever met him. But I've always heard the expression "no man left behind" in the context that a good soldier never leaves a comrade on the battlefield, and I've always admired that concept.

I vacillate between two extremes. Upon occasion, I feel that we make the journey that is our life essentially alone. Yes, sometimes we have company along the way, but often, for some people, the real journey is a pretty solitary one. Other times, I affirm the idea that while our companions along the way may change at times, we journey together.

Of course, God is always with us, but I also believe that God intends us to live in faithful community, so I feel we should always try to remember that our steps are not just our own. Every step moves us closer to someone, and if we aren't careful, farther away from someone that we never meant to leave behind.

Who have you left behind? Sometimes we walk toward something we want, or think we want, and never look back to see who we might have left standing in our dust.

I never think that God intends for us to prosper or grow or evolve at the expense of another person, or even at the expense of a relationship. Jesus commands us to love others in the same way we love ourselves. That means making sure that as we travel, as we move, we're not stepping on someone else's opportunity, or more importantly, their heart.

May we all move forward toward our dreams, being careful to hold on tightly to the hands of those we love, so we don't leave them behind.

Teresa

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Glue and other lessons from Hart to Hart


I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships. Why do some relationships last while others flame out quickly? How do some people weather the inevitable storms that every relationship endures and come out the other side stronger, while others drown in the sea of emotion, betrayal, and disappointment? What makes a relationship really work? And I don't just mean romantic entanglements. I'm talking any relationship that has long-term value.

I remember a television show called Hart to Hart. I loved that show. Stephanie Powers as a beautiful, jet-setting journalist married to dashing self-made millionaire Robert Wagner, solving crime and mystery with their butler/housekeeper Max. This was the Big 80's at its best. Expensive cars, luxury hotels, fast boats, designer clothes, huge hair, but the Harts were grounded, right? I mean, they adopted Freeway, a cute little stray dog they found on the, well, freeway, in L.A. But in my impressionable youth, it wasn't the clothes or the cars or the champagne or the opulent vacations or the private jet that so enthralled me. Well, okay, the private jet was very cool. No, what kept me glued to our tv set every week was the relationship between Jonathan and Jennifer Hart. No matter how much evidence to the contrary, no matter how incriminating, no matter how far-fetched, they absolutely trusted each other without reservation. They defended each other even when every fact pointed to another reality. If Jennifer told Jonathan that even in her drug-induced haze that there was a disappearing room in the hospital, then Jonathan believed her. He was her champion. She was his biggest fan. The glue that held them together was trust.

So much is out there to undermine trust in relationships. People are so fragile, and so fallible, and so weak. It's easy to disappoint, or betray, or lose confidence in another person. Our expectations are both ridiculously high, and heartbreakingly low. But sometimes, every now and then, two people get it right, and it's magic. It can happen between lovers or friends or in families. It can happen in the work place. It can happen in crisis. It can happen over the course of a lifetime. But, it happens. And when it does, it's exquisite.

I wonder, sometimes, if we are interested in building and nurturing that sort of radical trust in our relationships. I wonder, sometimes, how many of us are even worthy of that sort of radical trust. I wonder, a lot, if most of us even really believe those kinds of relationship are even possible.

Can you even imagine being that sort of champion for someone else? Can you even imagine having someone be that champion for you? Maybe if we could, we wouldn't be so bent on defending ourselves or staying on offense all the time. What a amazing life that would be.

From my "hart" to yours,
Teresa

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Aligning our values with our actions

After only 4 days of being at home because of ice and snow, many people in Atlanta are getting "cabin fever" and making threats (joking I hope) about insisting that schools reopen and take their children, or taking about how bored they are. Now, I understand bored, because I have a very low boredom threshold, but I have not been the least bit bored these 4 days. I've had plenty to do.

I want to see where these bored, stir-crazy people live. They must have homes that are flawlessly organized and clean. They must have lots of leisure time to spend relaxing and enjoying family. They must get to surf the internet a lot because one person even claimed to have read everything on the web in the past 4 days.

I don't have that life. There is always a project waiting in the wings be it a closet that needs to be cleaned out or photos to be sorted, and I never, ever get to spend enough time with my husband or my children.

Most of us would claim that we wish we had more down time, that we want to spend more quality time with family, and yet, when the opportunity presents itself, as it has the past 4 days, many of the comments I've heard would indicate that what people really want is to get back to the office, and to eat more fast food, and to get away from the home fires as fast as they can. (There have been some notable exceptions to that, which has been wonderful to see!)

When I counsel couples for marriage, I always tell them that a lot of relationships get into trouble because the values we profess don't always match our actions. We say we want meaningful, intimate relationships, but we focus our time and energy on other things most of the time. We say we want quality time with our families, but often complain when we are "trapped" with them for even a few days.

Do your actions really align with your values? The past few days might be a litmus test for exactly that.

Stay warm and safe.
Teresa

Monday, January 10, 2011

Snow days and other rites of passage


This morning Atlanta awoke to 5 inches of snow and a city snuggled in (for the most part) for the day. These are the days I miss most since moving south to the ATL...snow days with my children filled with hot chocolate, warm cake, soup, sledding, movies, and board games. So this is heaven for me. Except...this snow day is different than any I've had, because for the first time, I only have one of my children at home. My daughter is snug in her own apartment, with her own hot chocolate, and her own soup, and her own banana bread. Okay, I made it for her, but still, she isn't here.

It's one of those good news/bad news sort of days. She's in college, making her own way in the world, grown up (or almost), independent, capable, and all those things we wish for our children. But she's not here, warm and safe in my house...

So, for me, today is both a great day for remembering all the fun snow days we've shared in the past 20 years, and for deciding to build some new memories with my son and my husband. No, it's not the same. It's different. It feels odd. But, it's okay. We're not empty-nesters yet, but I can see the writing on the wall, and I can't stop it from happening, so I'm celebrating the realization that I have a happy, healthy, independent daughter.

I think life is best lived with an attitude that while life may not bring today what we expect, or even what we want, there is an adventure in each day that presents opportunities for making new memories and new traditions. Even now, the three of us are sitting in the family room, each doing their own work, but together. And later, I'll text or phone the one who is now on her own, who is building her own memories of her first snow day in her own place, and I hope she's building some traditions and memories of her own. And I hope she's remembering the fun and the family she has, and dreaming of the opportunities of many snow days to come.

Each day brings a gift. It's all in how we see it.

Stay warm.
Teresa

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Paying Yourself First

I've been thinking a lot about sabbath, longing really, and musing about how some of us aren't very good at observing it. Okay, I'm very guilty of that. I think partly it's a hard-wiring issue and partly it's out and out fear of leaving something undone.

But a wise man pointed out to me recently that even God rests, even Jesus went off alone, a lot, to commune with God, to simply rest his weary body, to pray, and to enjoy the company of friends. So, if even God and Jesus need some down time, then who am I to think I do not?

But you know, I'm not alone in my inability to simply rest. I see it in many of you. And even if you are good at it, you probably know someone you love who isn't.

So, I say let's all make a pact for 2011. Let's agree to slow it down, every now and then, and just enjoy life. Let's agree to gently but firmly encourage those we love to invest a little time in their own souls. We all know the wisdom that one should "pay oneself first" in financial matters, to put away a little in savings before you do anything else, and eventually it becomes a habit, and a healthy one at that. I say let's adopt that same attitude about rest and sabbath. Let's decide to set aside that time first, before we commit to everything else, before we take on a new project, before we schedule all the other obligations we have. Let's agree to set aside that time as holy, to see ourselves as important enough to schedule time to rest, to pray, to smell the roses, to spend time with those we love.

If it is good enough for God, then surely it will nourish our souls, right?

Shalom,
Teresa

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Simple joys and everyday grace

This has been a great weekend. I got to talk to my son at his dad's and hear about his NYE. I got to laugh at his wry humor and razor-sharp intuition about people. I got to dream with him about his upcoming adventures and dreams. As I took a moment to look at pictures of him over the last 15 years, I found myself smiling at all the joy he brings me every single day.

I helped my almost 20-year-0ld daughter move into her downtown Atlanta apartment. I got to watch her take charge with the leasing agent and get her paperwork done with no help from me. I got to make her bed in the new apartment and hang her towels and put away her groceries. I got to hear about the great dinner she cooked her boyfriend on New Year's Eve. I got to see a beautiful young woman coming into her own. It was breathtaking. She is breathtaking.

I had a great night away with the love of my life. I got to eat a great, healthful dinner overlooking a beautiful river then sleep in a great bed that someone else prepared for us. I got to be a passenger on the trip rather than the driver. I got a heated seat. I got to watch my husband totally in his element in the international market, talking about vegetables I've never heard of or tasted and spices that smelled exotic and wonderful. It was a peaceful, happy weekend spent in the company of people I love with all my heart.

Sometimes it's all too easy to find fault. Sometimes I forget that abundance is being happy with what you have. Sometimes I forget that others are struggling while I am safe and secure. Sometimes I forget that joy is found in people, not in things or accomplishments.

This weekend, I was reminded just how lucky I am. This weekend, I was reminded just how deeply I love. This weekend, I was reminded that the people that matter most to me are blessings beyond words.

Blessings for a year filled with simple joys and everyday grace.

Teresa