Joy

This week in Advent the focus is on joy. But, joy is sort of a mixed bag, at least for me. For instance, last night I took my 13-year-old son to his 8th grade dance. I didn't dare go inside when I dropped him off, but when I returned to pick him up, the teacher insisted that all the other parents were inside in the back watching, and that I should go in. So, I did. And there he was, having a great time with his friends. I smiled as I talked with the other parents, and then my mind was suddenly transported back through time to Richland Country Club in Nashville Tennessee, where I was dancing with my 3-year-old son and my 7-year-old daughter to KC and the Sunshine Band. I looked down at my children, their eyes wide and smiles huge, as we joined hands and danced Greek-style in a circle with the other guests. And then it was 3 years later, and as a single mother I put on a CD in our small townhouse in Greenville SC and we danced before dinner. Then just as suddenly, I was jolted back into the present when I saw my now almost grown son gesture that I should meet him outside to leave. (Can't be seen walking out of a dance with your mother!)

I felt joy dancing at the country club with my small angels. I felt joy being silly in the kitchen in Greenville with my young children. I felt joy as I watched my handsome, gentle, teenage son with his friends. And I fought back tears as I realized that with each joy comes a passing of time that can't be stopped. No matter how much I want to freeze those moments of joy in time, I cannot.

I remind myself that living in true joy is not living in the past. Joy is not just in memory, although many of our memories bring remembrances of joyful times. Nor is living in true joy simply hoping for joy in the future. Living in true joy, the way God intends for us to live, is to find joy in the moment, whatever the moment brings us, even if that moment brings the understanding that things are changing, and people are growing, perhaps in the direction of independence from us. And so last night, even as I watched my son take yet another step toward adulthood and independence, I felt joy - joy for him that he is who he is - joy for me that I am able to see him, and my beautiful daughter, grow and mature - and joy at the honor of sharing their journeys. Being their mom is my greatest joy.

Blessings,
Teresa

Thoughts on Advent

We are now approaching the second Sunday in Advent, with an emphasis this week on peace. I sometimes think it's very difficult to find peace in a world filled with chaos. On Black Friday, a temp worker was crushed to death at a Walmart in suburban New York. Innocent people were murdered by terrorists in Mumbai. A man in Atlanta was arrested after beating his dog in a public park with a sledge hammer. Many of my parishoners are struggling with employment issues, financial upheaval, and a tumultuous economy. Peace? Hardly. How do we find peace at Christmastime, or, the better question I believe, how can we be peacemakers in a time where little peace can be found?

I recently took a vow of non-violence in my thoughts, actions, and words. I have to admit, I'm not a very violent person to begin with, at least in my actions. But since taking that vow, I find that I say, do, and think little things that are violent, or at the very least, not peaceful. If the driver in front of me cuts me off, or is driving erratically or slowly, I find myself getting agitated and thinking things that aren't peaceful or kind! The other night, as I sat at my desk at work, one of our dogs started sniffing and circling and acting as if he might do something forbidden in the floor, which he's done twice this week already, and I said “Buck, don't you dare! I'll kill you!” My son, Andrew, looked up from his homework and said gently, “Mom...no you won't.” And I realized that even in that (sort of) joke, I had broken my vow of non-violence in my words. I could have made another choice. I could have chosen to realize that maybe I hadn't paid as much attention to Buck as I should have and that maybe he had been trying to tell me for a while that he needed to go out. I could have reacted with compassion rather than irritation. I could have stopped to think that a ten and a half year old Golden Retriever might need to go out a little more than he used to.

We each have a choice this Advent season. We can choose to get caught up in the madness of life and holiday, or we can consciously choose to live in peace, in our homes, at our jobs, and in our public lives. I encourage each of you to take a vow of non-violence, and promise you that it will enhance the peace you feel in your hearts and minds, as well as bring peace to the world around you.

Blessings for a peaceful holiday season.
Teresa

Raising Expectations

I've been thinking a lot lately about expectations. Many of us go into the holiday season with high expectations. This year, everything will be perfect. We'll get the perfect tree and put perfect decorations on it. We'll buy perfect gifts and the recipients will show great joy and gratitude. This year, no one will get the flu on Christmas Eve. This year the Advent wreath in the church will have candles that do not burn out in the middle of the service. You know the drill.

I've often been accused of having very high, some might say impossibly high, expectations of myself and of imposing those high standards on others. I guess I can't argue with that. But without expectations, how can we grow? If we don't exercise, we can't get stronger or faster or healthier. If we don't exercise our intellectual muscle, we stagnate and become boring, unable to talk about current issues or integrate increasingly complex ideas. If we don't exercise our spiritual muscle, we run the risk of being like the third servant in the Matthew text about talents, and just maintaining the status quo rather than growing in our faith and service.

But expectations must also be realistic. Just as the master in Matthew assigned each worker with the amount of talents that he felt they could responsibly handle, so must we understand our own limitations, while still striving to push ourselves to be the best we can be, and to use our many and diverse gifts and tools to live faithfully in God's world.

Blessings,
Teresa

Push and Pull

This week is spring break for my children, so I'm with them at the beach. My daughter is a teenager and about to head off to college (in a little over a year) and my son is in middle school. He still likes to play with mom. My daughter, on the other hand, is happier with the teenage best girl friend she brought with her, and I understand that, although I don't have to like it.

As we sat on the beach yesterday, I watched a young mother (at least she looked young to ME, but then my idea of young is changing...) in a full-blown, all out, verbal altercation with her teenage son. They were standing about a foot apart, and both were making full eye contact. I couldn't hear what they were saying (although from all the gesturing and animation I can guess) but the son wasn't backing down at all and the mother was holding her ground as well. There was a good bit of finger pointing on the part of the mother. The son listened, interrupted infrequently (to his credit), and then responded, although it seemed not to be the response the mother desired. I had to smile, but it was a smile through a tear. I was also watching a number of parents with VERY young children. The children would sometimes run into the surf, then back to "home base" for reassurance. Some of them stuck close to mom or dad, and in a few instances at least, the parents seemed desperate for some "adult" time. I even heard one dad begging, with the offer of a huge bribe, if the trio of teen girls in front of us would babysit that evening! I remember those days as if they were yesterday, and I'm living the teen years with my own children now.

It's push pull isn't it? We push, they pull. We pull, they push. Growing up is a series of tug of wars as children seek and find independence, and parents first provide security, then opportunities for maturation. What brought the tear to my eye was the realization that for a long time now, I've been doing most of the pulling, and my oldest has been pushing off hard.

Do I miss the days when I couldn't have an adult conversation that wasn't interrupted with "Mommy! Watch this!" Yes, I do. I was never the parent that couldn't wait until my children were grown and out of the house. I am the parent that dreads that journey to the dorm with a van full of luggage and furniture.

Push and pull. I think it's like that with us and God. God pulls us to God, and yet we, in our quest for independence, push away. Remember how good it felt to be a child and run into the loving arms of a parent? Remember, if you are a parent, how good it felt to have your child look up at you with such love and trust as you gathered them into your arms?

Why do we fight God so hard? I don't know, but I am thankful every day that God keeps pulling us toward the unending and unconditional source of mercy and love.

Teresa

Maundy Thursday

Today we reach the time on the Christian calendar known as Maundy Thursday, or Holy Thursday. This is a very significant day for several reasons. Many churches hold special services on this evening. Some include footwashing (as a remembrance of Jesus' washing of the disciple's feet at the Last Supper), some observe Holy Communion (since Jesus instutitued this sacrament at the Last Supper with the sharing of the bread and wine and his instructions to the disciples) and some with a very moving service that includes removing items from the sanctuary (called "stripping the altar), such as candles, Communion elements, etc., draping the cross in black or gray fabric, and gradually lowering the lights until darkness is achieved, as a remembrance of the suffering of Jesus in his arrest and death on the cross, with everyone leaving the church in silence. The altar remains barren until Easter morning. It's a powerful service.

For me, Maundy Thursday is a day for somber reflection. I often think of the ways I have failed to honor the sacrifice of Jesus. How have I failed to love myself? How have I failed to love others? When have I missed an opportunity to serve those less fortunate? How have a squandered the earth's resources? It sounds gloomy, doesn't it? But, it's not really. I don't beat myself up, but I do offer up an honest apology to God for those times that I have failed to be the person God created me to be. I do think about the fact that God became a human being, and lived on this earth to teach us more about God's own nature, and gave us lessons on how to live, and yet we still don't get it right. We still put Jesus on the cross because that message of radical love and service was so threatening that we couldn't hear it then and we have trouble with it now because it flies in the face of everything else that the world promotes. And I let my heart break for Jesus' suffering, and for the ongoing suffering of the world, and hope that this will be the year that I get it right....or more right. Today I let myself feel grief - grief for the death of Jesus and grief for our human failures. I can't get to Easter and the forgiveness and hope of the resurrection until I honor what has gotten us to that day. Too often we skip right from Christmas and the birth of Jesus right to Easter and the promise of new life without stopping to think about all that happened in between. Then, to me, it's a "false spring."

So, today, allow yourself to feel pain and loss and sadness as you remember what we did to Jesus, who only came to us in total love. And remember that on Sunday, we will gather to celebrate the fact that no matter how dark the day, God gives us the gift of forgiveness and love and hope.

Teresa

Cheating during Lent

We've looked at why some people choose to "give up" something during Lent, and other to "take on" something during Lent. But, what happens when we "cheat" during Lent? Let's say you've given up honking your horn at other drivers for Lent, but this morning, during the thunderstorm, you discovered your usual route was blocked by downed tree limbs, so you had to take an alternate route, and it was CONGESTED with drivers like you who don't normally take that route. There was confusion and frustrations ran high, and before you knew it, you hit the horn at that driver on their cell phone who caused you to have to sit through the light because of their lack of attention. What now?

Welcome to humanity! We are not perfect people, and the purpose of Lent is not to make us perfect. Rather, Lent affords us the opportunity to examine our lives and make a concentrated effort to be better people and live in kinder, gentler ways. We are not God, we are simply endeavoring to become more like God in the way we treat ourselves and others. So, while you should be aware that you have broken your Lenten promise, it's not a matter of life and death (unless you scared the other driver so much you caused an accident!). Just use the opportunity to observe in yourself what you did and resolve to not let it happen again. Lent is a journey and sometimes the path forks alongs the way. Just keep your eye on where you want to end up (a loving and peaceful person who is part of a loving and peaceful world) and if you get off track, just get back on!

Hunger

Yesterday we looked at gratitude, particularly as it regards food. Today, I want to look at hunger. It goes without saying that there is a lot of hunger in the world. Some of this hunger is for basic nourishment. We sometimes think of the hungry and starving people in developing countries, or in homeless camps in our cities, and we are called, as Christians, to try to alleviate hunger in the world. No one should ever have to go to bed with an empty belly. Many of us make an intentional effort to focus on this type of hunger during Lent and often make special donations to feed the hungry. This is something we should and must do during Lent and year round.

However, today I want you to reflect on a different type of hunger. I know all of you, so I think I can safely say you all have plenty to eat. But we all have a hunger inside. What do you hunger for? What is missing in your life? Do you long for something you can name? Or is your longing nebulous and frustrating?

Sometimes I wander into the kitchen at night and just open the refridgerator or the pantry and stand there and stare into them. I want something, but I can't always put my finger on what it is I want. Sometimes I know I want something sweet. Othertimes salty. Most times I have no idea. I usually end up settling for something that ends up being unsatisfying.

Lent is an excellent time to figure out what it is you hunger for. Do you long for a creative outlet? Do you hunger for a passionate relationship or for renewed passion in your existing relationships? Are you wandering about from volunteer job to committee to organization and yet you find your work unsatisfying?

Often we know something is missing, but we can't quite put our finger on what it is that we want. Reflect for a time today on what it is you hunger for, and then ask God to open the doors that will lead you to satiation. Then resolve to stop using your resources and precious energies on those things that bring you no satisfaction, and focus on the thing that you really hunger for.