A Southern Winter

For the past dozen years, I've been complaining about mild Southern winters. To call it "winter" is a misnomer. What we have here in the Southern US is more the "mud season." It's messy. It's depressing. It's frustrating. It's ugly.

For those of us with dogs, winter in the South means muddy paws and the constant mopping of floors and the inertia that comes from day after day of dreariness. It's putting on a coat because it's just chilly enough to need one, only to wrestle out of it as soon as you get in the car because it's not chilly enough to need one for long.

I miss outdoor ice skating. I miss roaring fires and snow days. I miss cute winter coats.

But lately I've come to appreciate something about Southern winters, thanks to two special men.

Every day as I drive to work, I pass two homeless men that live under a bridge in downtown Atlanta. They are always there, either sleeping (because I go to work at 5:30 am), or walking slowly, pushing shopping carts filled with plastic garbage bags that contain the full sum of their possessions. And I know that under that bridge are dozens more homeless. But these two men...they have become mine to follow, to watch, to worry about. Sometimes I leave zip loc bags of protein bars and small personal care items under the bridge, right by the grate that they've bent just enough to slip through. Every day I pray for them, and when I don't see them for a day or two, I feel a cold nausea in the pit of my stomach.

Most nights I know they'll be okay, because Southern winters are gentle. But on the nights when the wind howls and the temperatures drop, I can barely sleep. I lay awake in my warm bed, with my well-fed dogs snoring as they sleep on their padded matching beds, and I worry. I worry about my two men, and I worry about the homeless animals in the world. I think about the faces of the dogs I post almost daily on Facebook from the animal shelter, and I wonder how many animals are freezing to death on the unusual cold Southern winter night. I think about my daughter's rescued dog, my grand-dog, Radar, who before she found him spent most of his young life on the streets, fending for himself, eventually being hit by a car, and I say a prayer of thanks that many are willing to take in the broken, the scared, the dirty, the mentally ill, the rejected, the misunderstood, the lonely, the abandoned.

I remember that Jesus never turned his back on suffering. I want to turn my back. It's so hard to look into the face of real suffering. I want to ignore that kind of suffering. But then, I am a follower of Jesus...so I pray I have the heart and the stomach to keep looking.

I think it's no coincidence that Southern winters are the precursor of Lent. As I enter into the time of reflection and self-examination that will come soon, I remind myself that there is a blessing in the mildness of a Southern winter. Fewer people and animals will die. And I remember that there is a deep and glorious beauty in each and every living creature.

And I am thankful that this year, there is no snow. I am thankful that this year, there is rain enough to fill the used plastic water jugs that "my men" use to capture water, and to make puddles for the Radars of the world to drink from. I am thankful for relatively warm temperatures for people who struggle to heat their homes.

I am reminded that a mild Southern winter is a gift for many. I am reminded that some mud is a small price to pay for life.

Six Simple Questions to Turn Average Volunteers into Rockstars

Engaging and mobilizing volunteers can feel like a daunting challenge. However, I have found that a few simple questions can make a huge difference. 

The most common complaint I hear from volunteers is frustration because they feel like they have to read minds. They don’t know how they are doing and how they can do better. They are unsure who is in charge of what, they don’t get useful feedback, and so they burn out.

The solution can be simpler than you might think. Small, informal conversations about performance go a long way – especially when they include teachable moments about different situations and details.

It all boils down to asking these six questions of every volunteer: 

1.     What is your responsibility in this area? (In other words, let’s clarify what we’re doing here.)

2.     What are you doing well? (Let’s celebrate!)

3.     What, if anything, can you be doing better? (I’m listening, you’re important to me and I want you to succeed.)

4.     (If appropriate): What will happen if you improve (Let’s make this place the best it can be!)

5.     (If appropriate): What will happen if you don’t improve? (We share responsibility here!)

6.     How can I help? (I’m on your team!)

While all of these questions are important, the last question is especially important. It shows the volunteer that you care, and that you are not merely abdicating responsibility or shifting blame. It shows that you are interested in helping them grow and do what they do with excellence.

Take my free self-assessment about how well you are engaging and mobilizing volunteers  by clicking here. Schedule a free coaching session with me by clicking here.

You are going to want to get this book

In 2008, everything changed, for almost everyone.  A Great Recession hit. Money got tight. People lost jobs. Now we are in what appears to be a slow recovery, but the belt is still pretty tight. No longer do most of us have PR teams and communications staff and dollars in the budget for slick advertising campaigns.

In Steve Mouzon’s new book, “New Media for Designers + Builders” this brilliant and media savvy architect gives practical advice for not only surviving, but thriving, in the somewhat sterile financial landscape in which we find ourselves. Like the agile designer he is, Mouzon assembles the parts and pieces of marketing and PR for those in the design, building sector, and landscape design fields, and tradespeople who work in those areas, and builds a cohesive and coherent plan for letting the world know who you are and what you do. Heck, anyone in business will benefit from the knowledge and wisdom in this book!

How? Through what Mouzon calls, “New Virtues.” Of course, these virtues are not new, but may have become somewhat lost in the competitive business atmosphere that preceded the fall. They are patience, generosity, and connectedness.

Mouzon covers everything from micro-blogging to developing an effective website, and he names names. This is a book filled with resources, links, and opportunities to practice what he preaches about generosity and connectedness. With a creative format and tons of value-added bonuses like embedded links and a website for connecting and sharing ideas, this book is a “how to” on getting seen and being heard. He even lays out a “do this first” approach.

Some books are filled with the philosophy and theory of marketing. New Media for Designers + Builders is NOT that book. While the author offers snippets of supporting thought, the real value in this book is that it takes you from bare ground, to foundation, to design, to the actual build of your brand and marketing. This is the real deal.

I give this excellent book my full endorsement. Check it out here: www.nm4db.com

It will also be available on Amazon and iBook soon. Even if you are NOT in the design/building world, the advice in this book will help you build your brand!

Steve is also an excellent speaker and presenter. I’ve hired him myself! Here is a bit about him:

Steve Mouzon is an architect, urbanist, author, blogger, and photographer from Miami. He founded the New Urban Guild, which helped foster the Katrina Cottages movement. The Guild hosts Project:SmartDwelling, which works to redefine the house to be much smaller and more sustainable. Steve founded and is a board member of the Guild Foundation; it hosts the Original Green initiative. Steve speaks regularly across the US and abroad on sustainability issues. He blogs on the Original Green Blog and Useful Stuff. He also posts to the Original Green Twitter stream.

Control Freak

I came to a terrifying realization today. 

I am not in control.

No matter how much I try, I cannot control life, the world, or much of anything.  I can't control whether or not my church is successful, even though I work very hard to make it so.  I can't control whether or not people get sick, or well, including me, although I try my best to eat right and stay healthy and encourage those around me to do the same too.  I can't control how others think, or the decisions they make, but I try to model responsible behavior and make reasonable and rational cases for what I believe is right.  I can't control if someone loves me, or hates me, or ignores me, or makes fun of me, or if they do and say unkind things to others.

You'd think a reasonable and rational person such as myself would know that already.  Well, apparently not.  (or the obvious is true...that I'm really not as reasonable and rational as I would like to believe!)

See, I grew up believing that if I did everything "right" that everything in life would turn out fine.  Didn't happen.  I look around at the world and I see it happening to others who are also trying very hard to do everything right, and then seeing bad things happen.

If I could, I would "fix" things and people.  Sometimes I make the huge mistake of thinking I'm smart enough to do that.  Well, apparently not.

I joke about this, but it's a serious thing, and at 54, a realization I am just coming to truly embrace.

As an adult child of an alcoholic, I really want to control my world.  But I cannot.

I'm reminded today of what many of you who have fought addictions already know is the foundation of recovery.  Admitting I am powerless.  Or in my case, that my power can only be over how I respond and react and how I conduct myself. 

Control is my addiction, and I am powerless over it. 

Every single place of fear in my life comes from that core realization.....I am not in control of life...of anything.

My hope is that by taking that first step...admitting that I have a problem, I'll begin to loosen the white-knuckled grip I have on the reins and just try to hold on for the ride.  Maybe then God, the power of the universe, the One that is in me and strengthens me, will take over. 

So, for 2013, I have one resolution:

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

 

What is your soft, vulnerable spot?  What makes you shudder when it goes thump in the night? 

The Coat Off Our Back

As a child, whenever my grandmother would talk about a generous person, she would usually end with the declaration, "He would give a stranger the coat off his back."  I've always associated this statement with true generosity, concern, and Christian love.  I mean, after all, we are all willing to do just about anything...for the people we know and love.  But to show that kind of love to a stranger is the mark of a truly caring person.

A few weeks ago the song "They Will Know We are Christians by Our Love" got stuck in my head.  As I hummed along, that song melded with the phrase so often used by my grandmother, and the mission project "Coat Off Your Back" was born.  

On Christmas Eve, members of our congregation will literally give the coats off their backs to be donated to MUST Ministries.  As we each make the walk from our warm and comfortable church to our warm and comfortable cars, in that cold and dark space between, we will stand in solidarity with the homeless and hungry, and we will let the world know we are Christians by our love for a stranger.  

MUST Ministries saw my Facebook post about this event and called to tell me that they are stealing the idea and asking other churches to do the same.  So on Christmas Eve, my prayer is that God and my grandmother are looking down on us and smiling, and that many others across the North Georgia Conference will join in this effort and give the coats off their backs.  The recipients of the coats may never see our faces, but they will feel our love.  And they'll know we are Christians by our love.

 

Standing in the gap,

Teresa

Expectant Waiting....really?

Advent.  A time of "expectant waiting."  As we begin a new year (in the Christian calendar) this coming Sunday, the idea of expectant waiting is sounding great to me.  It's just not much of a reality for most of us during this incredibly busy time of the year.

I am careful to always finish my Christmas shopping before Thanksgiving in the hopes of creating an atmosphere of expectant waiting.  But I find there is always something to fill the space, some new project, work, the needs of others, life. 

So in a world where most of us become impatient waiting on a digital music download, or, horrors, having to wait in line for more than 5 minutes at the market, how to we wait expectantly?

I think what we look for is what we find.

If we wait and watch, expecting to find God all around us, expecting to see grace, and love, and hope, we will find our expectations realized. 

So even in the midst of the chaos of shopping, cooking, cleaning, guests, and social obligations, my prayer is that we wait, expectant, for opportunities to love, to be peaceful, to serve, to meet the needs of others, to love and be loved.

What we look for is what we find.

Peace,
Teresa

Bold Boundaries and Deep Listening

Today I was a guest blogger on the Coaching4Clergy site.  Please visit it for some great info and training!  My thanks to J. Val Hastings MCC for the invitation to blog!

To Listen Deeply, Clergy Need Bold Boundaries

October 24, 2012 By c4cweb

 The following is a guest post by Reverend Teresa Angle-Young, one of my co-authors in Ministry 3.0.
In a recent coaching session with a pastor, he said, “I simply cannot hear God’s voice anymore.” He said this with a combination of fatigue, exasperation, fear and anger. After an hour of deeply listening to him, what I heard was a life too full – full of meetings, commitments and stress – a life overextended. Surely there was no time to stop and listen deeply to God. There was no time to listen deeply to his congregation. There was no time to listen deeply to the wisdom of scripture. And it was showing in a diminished quality to his sermons.
Most clergy have big hearts, full of compassion, and have a tendency to want to be all to all, usually at the expense of their personal lives, their health, and their own needs and desires, and often at the expense of being able to listen to God. While Jesus does call us to give selflessly, even Jesus took time away from the demands of ministry to take care of himself, to pray, to dine with friends, to form and nurture relationships, and to rest. He took time to listen deeply, to those around him and to God.
Why do we feel we can do more than Jesus?
One of the biggest challenges of ministry is knowing when to shut off the phone, to turn off the computer, and to simply rest and enjoy life. In order to provide care for others, we must care for ourselves. And in order to be an effective preacher, we must create boundaries to protect both our “down” time as well as our sermon preparation time.
Here are a few suggestions. Not every one will work for you, and some will not even apply to you. Boundaries are not the same for everyone, so consider these and pick the ones that you want to try.

•  Schedule one hour on your calendar at the beginning of the week to simply read your sermon text, pray over the text, and reflect on the text. Do not take calls or allow interruptions during this time.
• Observe a weekly sabbath. I know. I know. It is hard. But it’s also a commandment, and there is a good reason for that. Just do it.
• Look at your entire work week and try to map out where you spend your time. For example, there are 168 hours in a week. My advice is that you should sleep 1/3 of the time (56 hours), work 1/3 of the time (56 hours), and spend the other 1/3 (56 hours) in recreation, hobbies and other non-work related pursuits. Most clergy spend far more than 56 hours a week in ministry, at the expense of either sleep or family, friends, pets, fun, relaxation, hobbies, SABBATH, etc.
• Read a lot of non-religious writing. You’ll be shocked at how many sermon illustrations you’ll suddenly see.
• Go to movies, watch the news, and read blogs on the Internet. Listen to music. Read poetry. Read fiction. Eavesdrop on conversations! People watch! Stay up on current affairs. Again, it’s that sermon illustration thing…
• Eat the best, most nutritious food you can afford, and drink a lot of water. Not only will your body thank you, but your vocal chords will too. Cut out sugar-laden soft drinks.
• Exercise. Take a walk. Get your body moving in some way every couple of hours for at least 10 minutes or so. If you have physical limitations, consult your doctor and do what you are able to do. If nothing else, move to a different location and give yourself a few minutes just to drink in a new view or get some fresh air.

By creating boundaries you also have the opportunity to create balance, and in that balance, you’ll have time to listen, deeply, to the voice of God.
The Reverend Teresa Angle-Young is a United Methodist pastor and church planter in Atlanta, Georgia. Teresa coaches and consults with church planters, preachers, and speakers. This post is an excerpt from her upcoming book, Stressless Preaching: Getting to Sunday Without Losing Your Religion, coming November 2013 and available for pre-order on her website at www.stresslesspreaching.com. You can win a free copy by subscribing to Teresa’s newsletter before November 30, 2012.
Blessings,
Reverend Teresa Angle-Young

Filed Under: Val's Blog Tagged With: clergy training, coaching for clergy, teaching for clergy