Aligning our values with our actions

After only 4 days of being at home because of ice and snow, many people in Atlanta are getting "cabin fever" and making threats (joking I hope) about insisting that schools reopen and take their children, or taking about how bored they are. Now, I understand bored, because I have a very low boredom threshold, but I have not been the least bit bored these 4 days. I've had plenty to do.

I want to see where these bored, stir-crazy people live. They must have homes that are flawlessly organized and clean. They must have lots of leisure time to spend relaxing and enjoying family. They must get to surf the internet a lot because one person even claimed to have read everything on the web in the past 4 days.

I don't have that life. There is always a project waiting in the wings be it a closet that needs to be cleaned out or photos to be sorted, and I never, ever get to spend enough time with my husband or my children.

Most of us would claim that we wish we had more down time, that we want to spend more quality time with family, and yet, when the opportunity presents itself, as it has the past 4 days, many of the comments I've heard would indicate that what people really want is to get back to the office, and to eat more fast food, and to get away from the home fires as fast as they can. (There have been some notable exceptions to that, which has been wonderful to see!)

When I counsel couples for marriage, I always tell them that a lot of relationships get into trouble because the values we profess don't always match our actions. We say we want meaningful, intimate relationships, but we focus our time and energy on other things most of the time. We say we want quality time with our families, but often complain when we are "trapped" with them for even a few days.

Do your actions really align with your values? The past few days might be a litmus test for exactly that.

Stay warm and safe.
Teresa

Snow days and other rites of passage

This morning Atlanta awoke to 5 inches of snow and a city snuggled in (for the most part) for the day. These are the days I miss most since moving south to the ATL...snow days with my children filled with hot chocolate, warm cake, soup, sledding, movies, and board games. So this is heaven for me. Except...this snow day is different than any I've had, because for the first time, I only have one of my children at home. My daughter is snug in her own apartment, with her own hot chocolate, and her own soup, and her own banana bread. Okay, I made it for her, but still, she isn't here.

It's one of those good news/bad news sort of days. She's in college, making her own way in the world, grown up (or almost), independent, capable, and all those things we wish for our children. But she's not here, warm and safe in my house...

So, for me, today is both a great day for remembering all the fun snow days we've shared in the past 20 years, and for deciding to build some new memories with my son and my husband. No, it's not the same. It's different. It feels odd. But, it's okay. We're not empty-nesters yet, but I can see the writing on the wall, and I can't stop it from happening, so I'm celebrating the realization that I have a happy, healthy, independent daughter.

I think life is best lived with an attitude that while life may not bring today what we expect, or even what we want, there is an adventure in each day that presents opportunities for making new memories and new traditions. Even now, the three of us are sitting in the family room, each doing their own work, but together. And later, I'll text or phone the one who is now on her own, who is building her own memories of her first snow day in her own place, and I hope she's building some traditions and memories of her own. And I hope she's remembering the fun and the family she has, and dreaming of the opportunities of many snow days to come.

Each day brings a gift. It's all in how we see it.

Stay warm.
Teresa

Paying Yourself First

I've been thinking a lot about sabbath, longing really, and musing about how some of us aren't very good at observing it. Okay, I'm very guilty of that. I think partly it's a hard-wiring issue and partly it's out and out fear of leaving something undone.

But a wise man pointed out to me recently that even God rests, even Jesus went off alone, a lot, to commune with God, to simply rest his weary body, to pray, and to enjoy the company of friends. So, if even God and Jesus need some down time, then who am I to think I do not?

But you know, I'm not alone in my inability to simply rest. I see it in many of you. And even if you are good at it, you probably know someone you love who isn't.

So, I say let's all make a pact for 2011. Let's agree to slow it down, every now and then, and just enjoy life. Let's agree to gently but firmly encourage those we love to invest a little time in their own souls. We all know the wisdom that one should "pay oneself first" in financial matters, to put away a little in savings before you do anything else, and eventually it becomes a habit, and a healthy one at that. I say let's adopt that same attitude about rest and sabbath. Let's decide to set aside that time first, before we commit to everything else, before we take on a new project, before we schedule all the other obligations we have. Let's agree to set aside that time as holy, to see ourselves as important enough to schedule time to rest, to pray, to smell the roses, to spend time with those we love.

If it is good enough for God, then surely it will nourish our souls, right?

Shalom,
Teresa

Simple joys and everyday grace

This has been a great weekend. I got to talk to my son at his dad's and hear about his NYE. I got to laugh at his wry humor and razor-sharp intuition about people. I got to dream with him about his upcoming adventures and dreams. As I took a moment to look at pictures of him over the last 15 years, I found myself smiling at all the joy he brings me every single day.

I helped my almost 20-year-0ld daughter move into her downtown Atlanta apartment. I got to watch her take charge with the leasing agent and get her paperwork done with no help from me. I got to make her bed in the new apartment and hang her towels and put away her groceries. I got to hear about the great dinner she cooked her boyfriend on New Year's Eve. I got to see a beautiful young woman coming into her own. It was breathtaking. She is breathtaking.

I had a great night away with the love of my life. I got to eat a great, healthful dinner overlooking a beautiful river then sleep in a great bed that someone else prepared for us. I got to be a passenger on the trip rather than the driver. I got a heated seat. I got to watch my husband totally in his element in the international market, talking about vegetables I've never heard of or tasted and spices that smelled exotic and wonderful. It was a peaceful, happy weekend spent in the company of people I love with all my heart.

Sometimes it's all too easy to find fault. Sometimes I forget that abundance is being happy with what you have. Sometimes I forget that others are struggling while I am safe and secure. Sometimes I forget that joy is found in people, not in things or accomplishments.

This weekend, I was reminded just how lucky I am. This weekend, I was reminded just how deeply I love. This weekend, I was reminded that the people that matter most to me are blessings beyond words.

Blessings for a year filled with simple joys and everyday grace.

Teresa

No Fear in the New Year?

Okay, so it's been 8 months since I posted a blog. Cut me some slack. It's been a crazy stupid busy year. Now, as I approach my final semester of doctoral work (dissertation notwithstanding...) I'm beginning to have a little perspective on both the insanity of the past few years as well as some clarity of thought about the next few.

First, let me say that in reflection, and I am want to reflect this time of year, I would not do much differently. I would still have started Sacred Tapestry. I would still have done a doctorate. I would still have given up sleep, resources, and sacrificed a bit of my health to do all I've done. But, I would do a few things very differently.

I would take more vacations. I would stop working so much. I would spend more time and energy on myself. I would gather up my husband and children and whisk us all away more, just to spend time together, and I would do it more frequently. I would brush my dogs more. I would file papers faster rather than facing piles that make me feel disorganized. I would use my label maker more.

Mostly, I would face my fears straight up. I would let my heart pound and my palms sweat and my stomach churn, and I would just confront the things that scare me most. And I would take things less personally. I would delegate more.

In 20-11, those are my resolutions. I will delegate more, take more time off, take better care of myself and my personal relationships, and face my biggest fears.

So, while I may not have "no fear in the new year" I will nevertheless face up to my fears in the new year. And I hope you will do the same.

Oh, and I'll try to post more blogs. Really. I will. Okay, I'll try.

Blessings for a happy, healthful, and prosperous 20-11.

Teresa

Projects

I'm a big project person. Ask my husband. Ask my children. Ask my friends. I think projects are great ways to vision, set goals, stay active, and accomplish tasks. However, I have always been guilty of over-committing myself.

This past weekend, I got three major projects off my plate. Great, right? One would think! But I have three more major projects already in the works, and I decided over the weekend to add some home improvement projects to the mix.

So, am I a project addict?

I wonder what would happen if I make it a "project" to reduce my project list?

I read something last week (yes, I like to call it my "pleasure/edification reading project") that reminded me that it's okay to have multiple dreams, and it's even okay to multi-task, but it can work against us to have too many projects going at once.

So, my goal for Lent is to set some real limits on projects. I hope that will allow me to spend more time in prayer and service, to spend more time with my family and friends, and to be more focused on the projects I choose to pursue.

The other projects? Oh, I'll still finish most of them. Just not right this minute.

Okay okay okay...

So, a dear friend sort of chastised me (gently) last week for not blogging lately. She reminded me that it isn't a good idea to link from the Sacred Tapestry website to a blog that hasn't been updated since last Advent...2008... Okay, I hear you. I'm sorry. Truth is that it's been such a busy year that the blog hasn't been a priority. Between a 60 hour workweek, a doctorate in progress, and a family, not to mention Board of Ministry work and some side projects, well, you get the idea.



But here is the thing. Like many of you, I have discovered that while I can do a great number of things at once, I don't always do them well. And when I'm this busy, sometimes important things get lost in the mix. Like sleep. Like taking a walk with my husband and holding hands. Like hanging out by the lake with my children and just listening to them talk. Well, I'm taking Advent seriously this year, maybe more seriously than I ever have in the past. I'm asking myself, "What am I doing to prepare the way for Christ in my own life? Am I making clear the path, or is the path so strewn with the litter of the millions of activities in my life that the path is obscured?" I've taken on too much, and while every activity is important and I can justify every late night, every missed lunch with a friend, every gray hair, new wrinkle, and extra pound, (after all who has time to exercise???), the truth is that I know all my busy-ness has cluttered the way to experience God in my life, and I don't like it, and I will change it. I know that Christ focused on relationships and spending time with people we know and love as well as bringing new people into our circle of friends. I know that the man with the most important "agenda" in history made time for those around him. He didn't have many "projects." His ministry was with people, not paper. He made time to pray and rest. I get it. I do.



So, after Christmas, ask me to lunch. Invite me to a dinner party. Take me to a movie. Invite youself over to my house for tea one afternoon. Hold me accountable. I want to make 2010 a time to build relationships. I want to take better care of myself. I want to be a more patient mother, a more loving wife, and most of all, a more focused Christian. I want to make the path to experience God one that is swept clean of distractions.



Yes, I'll still be working on my doctorate. I'll still the the sole pastor and administrator of a toddler-aged church plant. I'll still be the silent auction chair of my son's shool gala. (I know...why didn't you say something sooner before I commited???) But I'll blog more and have more leisurely conversations with friends and family. I'll spend more time meditating and praying. I'll walk my dogs longer and exercise more.



It's a new year. It's Advent. Change is in the air! Join me! Make clear your own path and invite God in. And invite me for coffee sometime. I'll come.



Blessings for a holy and joyous Christmas, and a calm, focused, and compassionate life in 2010.



Teresa