Glue and other lessons from Hart to Hart

I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships. Why do some relationships last while others flame out quickly? How do some people weather the inevitable storms that every relationship endures and come out the other side stronger, while others drown in the sea of emotion, betrayal, and disappointment? What makes a relationship really work? And I don't just mean romantic entanglements. I'm talking any relationship that has long-term value.

I remember a television show called Hart to Hart. I loved that show. Stephanie Powers as a beautiful, jet-setting journalist married to dashing self-made millionaire Robert Wagner, solving crime and mystery with their butler/housekeeper Max. This was the Big 80's at its best. Expensive cars, luxury hotels, fast boats, designer clothes, huge hair, but the Harts were grounded, right? I mean, they adopted Freeway, a cute little stray dog they found on the, well, freeway, in L.A. But in my impressionable youth, it wasn't the clothes or the cars or the champagne or the opulent vacations or the private jet that so enthralled me. Well, okay, the private jet was very cool. No, what kept me glued to our tv set every week was the relationship between Jonathan and Jennifer Hart. No matter how much evidence to the contrary, no matter how incriminating, no matter how far-fetched, they absolutely trusted each other without reservation. They defended each other even when every fact pointed to another reality. If Jennifer told Jonathan that even in her drug-induced haze that there was a disappearing room in the hospital, then Jonathan believed her. He was her champion. She was his biggest fan. The glue that held them together was trust.

So much is out there to undermine trust in relationships. People are so fragile, and so fallible, and so weak. It's easy to disappoint, or betray, or lose confidence in another person. Our expectations are both ridiculously high, and heartbreakingly low. But sometimes, every now and then, two people get it right, and it's magic. It can happen between lovers or friends or in families. It can happen in the work place. It can happen in crisis. It can happen over the course of a lifetime. But, it happens. And when it does, it's exquisite.

I wonder, sometimes, if we are interested in building and nurturing that sort of radical trust in our relationships. I wonder, sometimes, how many of us are even worthy of that sort of radical trust. I wonder, a lot, if most of us even really believe those kinds of relationship are even possible.

Can you even imagine being that sort of champion for someone else? Can you even imagine having someone be that champion for you? Maybe if we could, we wouldn't be so bent on defending ourselves or staying on offense all the time. What a amazing life that would be.

From my "hart" to yours,
Teresa