Yes, it's NYE 2011

I know a lot of you don't do resolutions, but I do.  For me, it's important both to assess my life over time and to set goals.  If you know me at all, you know I'm very, well, results driven. 

To that end, I'm sharing my resolutions/intentions/goals for 2012.  First off, the changes I need to make in my life will directly impact some of you!  As I let go of some responsibilities in order to live a healthier, more balanced life, some of what I do will need to be done by others, especially in my work life.  Secondly, I think some of my struggles, especially over the past five years, might resonate with many of you. 

So, here goes, along with some commentary about how and why I've chosen these particular goals:

LESS PROCESSED FOOD/NO SUGAR

Seems this one speaks for itself.  My goal is to cut out sweets entirely with the exception of VERY rare special occasions.  I have to be honest.  This will likely be the resolution I struggle with the most.  I am ADDICTED to sugar, but I know it's poison.  I'm also hopeful to eat at least 50% of my food raw.

LIMIT WORK TO NO MORE THAN 57 HOURS A WEEK + TAKE ALL VACATION
Yes.  I mean this.  A dear friend and very wise priest advised me in 2011 to do this, but I have to admit, I failed miserably.  Miserably.  Not even close.  However, my work ethic, recently described as "relentless" (which I had never realized and honestly, hurt my feelings terribly), is becoming counter-productive and unhealthy.  Since I planted Sacred Tapestry (and I admit, I've always been something of a workaholic, but it's gotten exponentially worse) over five years ago, I've put in 70 hour weeks almost non-stop and taken very little time off.  This has hurt my family, my relationships, my health, and my soul.  God commanded sabbath, every single week, for a reason.  Jesus went off alone for a reason.  I've tried to (wo)man handle the natural cycle of rest/work/play to fit my agenda, and I simply cannot keep up the pace.  I've seen my work life as a sprint, and it's really a marathon.  If I don't start to pace myself better, I'm not going to finish the race.  (Had to finish that metaphor though!)  So, I'm setting boundaries with work, and I'm taking every single minute of off time and vacation time I have in 2012, and I have 5 weeks of vacation, 2 weeks of continuing education time, and may need renewal leave.  I'm exhausted and burning out.  I love Sacred Tapestry and everyone in it.  In fact, I love you all enough to tell you that I've got to establish some boundaries, rest every week, and ask others to help more.  So look out!   But, I'll be a better spiritual leader.  Of this I am sure.

MOVE MY BODY EVERYDAY + MEDITATION/YOGA
Until I launched Sacred Tapestry, I practiced yoga on a regular basis and exercised at least 3 times a week.  I had a strong prayer life, and meditation was an important part of my personal spiritual practice.  As I age, I am finding that I need this MORE, not less.  I want to be around and healthy for my family for many years to come. 

READ 52 BOOKS IN 52 WEEKS
I used to read all the time.  It made me a better writer.  It gave me great ideas for sermons.  It relaxed me.  I wrote for a living, and every good writer I know is an avid reader.  That has been lost over the last 10 years as I've gotten two advanced degrees.  Most of my reading has been academic in nature.  That's great, but I miss reading for pleasure.  So, a book a week is my goal.  So far, I'm on track.  I've already read a book this week and I'm half way to finishing another.  :)

BE LESS REACTIVE
I think this stands alone.  My goal is to listen more and say less, in every situation. 

RELAX/ENJOY FAMILY & FRIENDS MORE
I have some amazing, interesting, loyal friends, and I've not been a good friend at all to them for the last 5 years.  Work has consumed me.  I am very grateful that some of you have maintained effort with me even when I've been less than you deserved.  That will change in 2012.  Some of you have been my friends for all of my adult life.  Some of you are newer friends.  But  all of you are people I love, admire, and truly want to spend time with, so I will try to make that happen more often.  Forgive me.  And I will be more open to making new friends too.  I love my work, but I need to leave it behind more.  I want to laugh more.  I want to cook more.  I want to enjoy my brilliant son's last full year living at home before he goes off to college, and spend more time with and admiring my grown daughter, who has become one of the finest, smartest, most interesting women I know.  I want to spend more time smiling at my husband and less time passing like ships in the night.  I want to romance him and be romanced by him.  All that requires intention and time. 

So, there are my 2012 resolutions.  It's mostly about balance, which I readily admit my life has lacked, especially for the last 5 years. 

So, Happy New Year to all of you.  I know God will richly bless you in 2012 because God always richly blesses us.  Sometimes, like me, we are just too busy to notice.  This coming year, I intend to notice, and I intend to enjoy God's blessings in my life.  May you do the same.

Teresa

Lightening up

I realized something today.  I don't laugh enough.  I don't laugh often enough and I don't laugh hard enough.  You know, that can't catch your breath, crying, think you might throw up sort of laughing.  I used to laugh like that all the time.

I miss it.

So if you see me laughing, join me.  We'll both feel better.

What choices will you make this week?

As we contemplate our choices, our failures, our shortcomings, our temptations, and the grace under which we live, I offer you this, from my friend Lynn Buckley.  This will be my personal morning devotion every morning this week.  I encourage you to do the same if you can.

Blessings,
Teresa

The Choice by Max Lucado
IT’S QUIET. It’s early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep.. The day is coming.
In a few moments the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun.. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding pace of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.
For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day’s demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary , I’m free to choose.

And so I choose.
I choose love . . .
No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.
I choose joy . . .
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical . . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I choose peace . . .
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I choose patience . . .
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I’ll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I choose kindness . . .
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I choose goodness . . .
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.
I choose faithfulness . . .
Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My spouse will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their parent will desert them.
I choose gentleness . . .
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.
I choose self-control . . .
I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when my days are done, when my book is closed, I will rest in His love, not the cold, hard re-purposed ground.
From When God Whispers Your Name Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 1999) Max Lucado

Be the change you want to see

I must be myself. I cannot break myself any longer for you, or you. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Think of all the things that are not working in your life. That job you don’t like, that relationship that’s not working, those friends that annoy you. Now turn them all on you. Imagine that everything that’s not working in your life, is your fault. How would you approach it? What would you work on to change your life to the state that you want it to be?

Today's writing challenge hits pretty close to home.

We all project so much onto others.  We make others responsible for our happiness.  We say we are trapped by circumstances.  But here is the truth as I see it.  Life is a series of choices, and each choice we make takes us closer to our true self, our highest self, or away from who we really are, who we can be.

If I don't like my job, I can change it.  Sure, it will bring consequences that affect not only me, but my family, but those are just challenges to overcome and adaptations to make.  If I am not happy in my relationships, rather than bemoan my loneliness and rejection I can be the partner, friend, child, parent, employee, leader, (fill in the blank...these are examples here folks) that I need, and that almost always results in improved relationship with those around me.

And, in the end, I am responsible to myself and to God.  That's it.  But those are some very high standards, and I'm grateful for that.

How much energy, how much life, do we waste complaining that things and people are not as we want them to be?  What if we directed that energy, spent that life, making sure we rise to our own highest expectations of other?  What would our lives look like?  Who would we be?

Life is a series of choices.  Today, I plan to make choices that reflect my truest nature, that reflect the divine, or at least make the best choices I can.  Because I will project onto others my own nature.

The things we absolutely have to get right – nothing else matters

The secret of fortune is joy in our hands. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
What if today, right now, no jokes at all, you were actually in charge, the boss, the Head Honcho. Write the “call to arms” note you’re sending to everyone (staff, customers, suppliers, Board) charting the path ahead for the next 12 months and the next 5 years. Now take this manifesto, print it out somewhere you can see, preferably in big letters you can read from your chair.
You’re just written your own job description. You know what you have to do. Go!
(bonus: send it to the CEO with the title “The things we absolutely have to get right – nothing else matters.”)
(Author: Sasha Dichter)

Writing challenge:  Okay Seth.  You asked for it.  You got it.

We all have to chip in.  No excuses.  It takes a village so stop being a consumer and start being a producer.  That means time, money, work.  Not one of them.  Not two of them.  All of them.  This isn't a country club.  This is life and we all get one shot at it.  Make it count for something.

It's not all about you.  Some of it's about you, but not much.  If you keep making it all about you, you will miss out on what really makes life worth living.  Get over yourself.

We have to stop building an institution.  This nostalgia for the past is hurting our chances at an amazing future.  Be grateful for the past and what it's taught us but don't hold onto it so tightly that you make a memory more important than the experience of a new paradigm.  Things don't have to stay the same to be really great.

Lighten up.  In every way.  We've become mired in "stuff" and "things" and spend far too much of our lives pursuing it all.  Clean out, give away, throw away, recycle, and bless someone else.  You don't need it.  If you really are honest with yourself, you don't really even want it.

Try something new every day, and if you can't do that, at least try something new every week.  Take a different route.  Eat a new food.  Vary your routine.  It's liberating.  Try it.

Get rid of the toxic.  Whether it's cleaning products or people.  Move on.  Make healthy choices.

Be grateful.  Stop wanting what you don't have because most of us want what we are told to want, not what we really want anyway. 

Breathe. 

Pray.

Be a friend.  Pay attention.  Set the table every single night even if you are eating alone. 

Call someone who loves you that you don't spend much time with anymore and don't rush the conversation. 

Say "I love you" even if it makes you feel weird, or scared, or stupid, or even if you're afraid they won't say it back, and be happy you did it no matter what they say.  You can't control what anyone else says or does so stop trying.

Be authentically you.  There is no one else who can do that.

Now go and do it.  That's all for now!  But I reserve the right to revise this list at my will and whim!

Be blessed, and be a blessing.

Dang Seth.  Just....dang.

When talking is a waste of time and energy

Today's writing challenge:
What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think. This rule, equally arduous in actual and in intellectual life, may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness. It is the harder, because you will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know I. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I once received a fortune cookie that read: “Speak less of your plans, you’ll get more done.” What’s one project that you’ve been sitting on and thinking about but haven’t made progress on? What’s stopping you? What would happen if you actually went for it and did it?
(Author: Laura Kimball)

I read once that talking about your plans has the same effect in your mind as actually accomplishing your plan, which can spell disaster.  In other words, if you tell people about your plan, your mind thinks the plan has actually been implemented, so you lose your motivation to realize it.

Often, when I have something really big I want to do, I don't say much about it until I'm ready to take action on it, or have already begun to act on it.  In doing so, I keep the momentum to work on the plan, realize the plan, see it to fruition.  It's not real to me yet, in part, because I have not talked to others about it. 

What this means is that sometimes I surprise people.  My actions seem impulsive.  But there is almost nothing impulsive about me. I am pretty decisive, but almost never impulsive.  I like to think I just plug away at a good idea until I get close to accomplishing it, then I reveal it.  But I've been working on it all along. 

Do you talk too much about your ideas, never putting them into action?  Don't trick your mind by talking through things too much.  Keep your dialog internal, or share with a close friend, or journal about it, but keep channeling your energy into the realization of the project rather than expending it talking about the project.

When I presented the idea for Sacred Tapestry to the Dir. of New Church Development, I had not talked to anyone about it, and yet, it was a very fully developed concept.  The very first time I talked about it, I had already visioned it and worked through the details.  By doing this, my presentation was decisive, well thought out, and complete.  All that I needed to do once I got approval was to launch!

I'm working on some new ideas even now, but I won't talk about any of it yet.  So hold on!  Some new things, big things, may well roll out in the next year to 18 months.  And don't think I'm impulsive.  I've been working on it all along. 

Are you talking too much and doing too little to make your dreams a reality? Stop talking and start doing~

Cheers!
Teresa

Taking the Road Less Traveled

When good is near you, when you have life in yourself, it is not by any known or accustomed way; you shall not discern the foot-prints of any other; you shall not see the face of man; you shall not hear any name;—— the way, the thought, the good, shall be wholly strange and new. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Can you remember a moment in your life when you had life in yourself and it was wholly strange and new? Can you remember the moment when you stopped walking a path of someone else, and started cutting your own?

Today's writing challenge.

I've rarely marched to the beat of the band, not just to be different, and not to attract attention, but because I have a low boredom threshold.  In personality type, I'm an architect, so life is most interesting to me when I either see something that I think I can do in a different way, or create something new.  That's why I've always loved to write.  My words are my own, not perfect, not brilliant, but original.  That's why I planted a church that is unique and does worship in new ways.  That's why I love to move, to gain a fresh palette on which to decorate and re-design.  I am not particularly comforted by the familiar, rather, I have a "been there done that" sort of feeling.

There are so many new things to discover, so many new places to see, so many designs and words and churches and rooms and gardens yet to be created and used.  Life is short.  I say explore it all!  For me, standing still is torture, be it literally or figuratively.  Life is a classroom.  I don't want or need to repeat the lessons!

Where are you standing still, and what adventures are you missing?  I challenge you to be brave, to march to your own beat, and to share your creativity and unique self with all of us!

What are my options?

To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

(Author: Eric Handler)

When you allow your mind to be free and open, anything - literally - anything, is possible.

Getting typecast

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes, if you do a good job in an acting role, you get typecast.  And sometimes, when you've been masterful in a role, you get almost superstitious about it, and you start to worry that you'll never "hit it" like that again.  And sometimes, when you perform well at work, the boss keeps giving you the same challenge over and over because you are successful in that role.  I know a pastor or two who have helped turn around some declining churches, and now they keep getting appointed to declining churches even though they would love the challenge of a different kind of appointment.

Sometimes our past successes, and our past failures, keep us from moving outside our comfort zone and taking risks.

I'm making some pretty bold moves to try some new and innovative things over the next year or two, and it's a little scary.  I'm stretching myself and hoping to develop some new skills.  I'm trying to re-define a lot of things in my life and work and to create a more balanced way of living and earning, and it's going to challenge me and those around me to see a lot of things in a new way, a broader way, and I hope, a healthier way. 

The old paradigm for work no longer works.  The increased leisure time that "progress" was supposed to create has simply created in most of us an almost pathological desire for stuff, for more, for bigger.  That paradigm is toxic. 

So, I'm preparing for a new way, and scared that others won't understand it.  I am "loathe to disappoint."  But I'm going there anyway, because there is nothing more thrilling than a new challenge.  I apologize in advance if me moving forward makes anyone uncomfortable, but in the end, I agree with Emerson...our consistency can often stand in the way of trusting our deepest self.

I have no interest in getting out of the box.  I don't believe in the reality of the box in the first place.

Keeping Up With Me

There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?
(Author: Corbett Barr)

Dear Me 5 years ago:  Guess what?  You are human after all.  You cannot, in fact, live on 3 hours of sleep a night forever. You do need sabbath and recreation and a social life. You do need regular vacations. Your body is not invincible and you can get elevated blood pressure, gall stones, and have 5 lbs. that you can't seem to lose no matter how much you starve yourself.  You don't have to be everything to everyone, and you can delegate, let someone else do the work, and allow tasks to go undone.  The world will go on.

Dear Me 5 years from now:  Guess what?  You did put on the brakes in time.  You can enjoy your family and friends. You have honored God by observing a sabbath every week and understanding that you, alone, do not have to save the world.  I'm glad you are reading more for pleasure.  I'm proud of you for saying "No" sometimes and setting boundaries between work and personal life.  I love that you are traveling more, delegating more, and pacing yourself.  I know this will extend your life and see that you are happier, healthier, and more productive now that you have some balance in your life.

Some of us place such high expectations on ourselves that we risk burning out.  5 years ago I thought, no I knew, I was Superwoman.  I was different that everyone else.  I was "unique."  This year I have learned that while I am, a bit unique (clears throat), that no one can sprint forever.  I have to pace myself.  I have to slow down long enough to have a life outside of my job.  I don't have to do it all but more importantly I can't do it all.

In the next 5 years, I will work fewer hours, but still work very hard.  I will say no to a lot of things that add work to my plate and yes to more things that are fun, restful, exciting, and feed my body and spirit.  I will let phone calls go unanswered, emails go unopened, and spend more time enjoying my friends and family.  I will continue to study, learn, write, explore, and be as good a minister as I can be, but that won't mean I'm available 24/7 as I have been for the last 5 years, because if I continue to sprint rather than jog, I know I will burn out.

And I think this wisdom will make me a better pastor, mate, mother, daughter, friend, advocate, and child of God.

Broadening our view

If we live truly, we shall see truly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?
(Author: Chris Guillebeau)

Timely.  I leave tomorrow for a mission trip with a group of teenagers.  When we think about traveling, and I'm big on travel, we usually think about exotic locations, or places of great cultural or historical significance, but there is more...

The first place I ever went alone was to El Salvador.  I was 18, and I went alone.  My family felt it was a critical part of my education to travel, and to experience other cultures.  It was an eye-opening trip for an innocent white girl from Knoxville Tennessee.  It changed my life.  It changed the way I see the world.  It changed me on the inside.  I befriended a Salvadorean family, the Delgados.  I would discover many years later that many of them were killed in the civil turbulence that ensued in the 1980s.  I learned that they were a lot like my own family back in Tennessee.  I learned that I can make my way around a country that speaks a language I do not know, and that most people are kind and generous and willing to help  I learned (the hard way) not to eat from street vendors or drink the water.  I learned that we are all God's children. 

This week, as I take a group of privileged youth to a disadvantaged neighborhood to do a VBS, as I think back on all the places I've been...Europe, Egypt, the Caribbean, South America, and all the places in between, as I think about the question posed....where is one place in the world you want to visit before you die and what will you do to get there...as I think about how travel is maybe my most favorite hobby...as I contemplate Bali and the Middle East and Morocco and all the places I still want to go, and there are many, it occurs to me that what Emerson says is true...If we live truly, we shall see truly... 
...and I want to see truly, the good, the bad, and the ugly, the beautiful, the breathtaking, and the heartbreaking, and I want these youth to see it too, because in truly seeing, they will truly live.

With eyes wide open.
Teresa

Purpose

As you probably know by now, I am participating in a writing challenge, and the topics are being assigned by someone else.  Today's assignment hit me right where I live.  It is:

That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him. Where is the master who could have taught Shakespeare? Where is the master who could have instructed Franklin, or Washington, or Bacon, or Newton? . . . Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Identify one of your biggest challenges at the moment (ie I don’t feel passionate about my work) and turn it into a question (ie How can I do work I’m passionate about?) Write it on a post-it and put it up on your bathroom mirror or the back of your front door. After 48-hours, journal what answers came up for you and be sure to evaluate them.
Bonus: tweet or blog a photo of your post-it.
(Author: Jenny Blake)

This very thing has actually consumed me for weeks...how can I do what I do better?  Am I doing exactly what God designed me to do, and am I doing it as well as I can?  I believe this is a question we must all ask ourselves.  The tricky part, I think, is that the first part of that question may have more than one answer depending on where you are in life.

Like most of you, I am facing a challenge, right here, right now, in my life.  I will do this challenge and put a post it on my bathroom mirror, and we'll see what comes up in my journal on Monday morning.

What is your current challenge?  Is it work related?  Relationship?  Financial?  I urge you to take Emerson's words to heart and seek to discover what God has created you to do and be.  Once you figure that our, like Emerson, I believe there is no limit.

TAY

What is reality?

It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. - Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

The world is powered by passionate people, powerful ideas, and fearless action. What’s one strong belief you possess that isn’t shared by your closest friends or family? What inspires this belief, and what have you done to actively live it?

 I believe in the impermanence of the present, and by that I mean that I believe the things and places that we live in are, to some extent, illusions.  Now, before I get too lofty, philosophical, and immersed in physics, let me just say that the bottom line is that I believe our reality lies within, not in the physical realm in which we often live.  Consequently, after the initial thrill wears off, I often become bored.

That manifests in several ways.  I like to move.  I can't imagine living in one place my entire life.  Even within the same city, I get the urge to sell the house and find a "fresh palette."  I love to travel but rarely want to visit the same place twice.  I enjoy new challenges, fresh faces.

That's not to say I do not love the familiar.  I don't want a new husband and I could look into the faces of my children every day for the rest of my life!  This is not about instability in relationships.  It's about a sort of restlessness in the physical world.  I don't sit still well.  I like to be on the move.  I like to see new vistas.  I like innovation.

I believe the world in which we dwell is vastly richer than most people experience, not only in physical location (not everyone has my wanderlust) but also in dimension.  I understand that many people find security and comfort in staying put.  I guess there is something charming, for some, about returning to the same place year after year for vacation, but that would make me want to scream.  I've just never been attached to place.  I'm not sentimental about places.  I would be bored beyond measure returning again and again to the same place.  I do not need a touchstone...I'm not a hoarder of stuff...furniture is just furniture...why walk down the same street twice...why revisit the same classroom.  But I am a hoarder of experiences.

My reality resides inside of myself, and in the connection I have to those I love.  Where I am matters not.  My spirit longs to engage with a broader reality that is not bound by time or space.

Bring on the new!

Your genuine action will explain itself, and will explain your other genuine actions. Your conformity explains nothing. The force of character is cumulative. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

If ‘the voyage of the best ship is a zigzag line of a hundred tracks,’ then it is more genuine to be present today than to recount yesterdays. How would you describe today using only one sentence? Tell today’s sentence to one other person. Repeat each day.

Today's writing challenge.

Over the next 24 hours, you are trading in a day of your life for whatever you choose to do, so choose wisely and show love, compassion, and kindness.

Fear

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.

1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.
2. Write the story that has to be written.

That is my writing assignment for today.

I have fought fear almost all my life. I just hide it well. I've been afraid of heights, afraid of my own anger, afraid of loneliness, afraid that something bad might happen to one of my children, afraid of looking foolish, afraid of speaking my mind, afraid of the anger of others.

Right now the most pressing fear I have concerns the financial health of Sacred Tapestry, this amazing, innovative, healing, holy ministry that I serve. I'm afraid that unless the hearts of the congregation open in a big way our future may not be what we hope. No...that's letting my fear speak. Here is the real truth, I'm afraid that we won't make it. There. I said it. I have kept my tongue and put on a smile and a brave front mainly because I didn't want anyone jumping ship for fear the ship is sinking, but the truth is, we are taking on water, fast. For the first time since opening in February of 2007, we cannot pay our bills this month.

No one wants to hear the church talk about money. I get that. No one feels they have too much and are just looking for a place to put their extra dollars. I get that too. But my fear is unless there is a real, serious, ongoing financial commitment to Sacred Tapestry on the part of all involved, this vibrant, special community may end.

The challenge for today is to "write the story that has to be written" without letting fear stop me, so I have. It's right out there, ugly, visible, and honest. But my need to be transparent is greater than my fear that any mention of money will drive folks out of church.

My hope and prayer is that many will look into their hearts, and bank accounts, and decide that keeping Sacred Tapestry open and thriving is more important than eating out and vacations and jewelry and all the other "stuff" we spend money on, that community and having a safe place to come and express doubt, fear, and pain is more important than vacations and salons. My hope is that you will take your own 15 minutes and write something true in your own life that may make you feel vulnerable and a little scared, because I know that it's in those places of vulnerability and fear that we find God.

With a vulnerable heart,

Teresa

Ash Wednesday

Hello friends. This is a re-run (with no commercial breaks!) of my blog post from 2008. A few of you are from traditions that do not observe Lent, so my hope is that this will give you a basic understanding of what today is about. Blessings for a holy Lent!
Teresa

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Lent-Ash Wednesday

Today is the first day of the season of Lent. There is a good bit of confusion about what Lent is, so over the next 40 days leading up to Easter, I will share with you some of the history of Lent, but more importantly, I will offer you some suggestions about how to observe Lent and why I think it's important. I will make these musings brief, and encourage you to send me any questions you may have.

Lent originated in the 4th century, and was initially a time for people who were to be baptized at Easter to prepare for their baptism. Since baptism is an act of introduction into a community of faith, (more on this when I do my series on baptism!), the entire community was called to this "time of preparation." Additionally, those people who had been removed from the fellowship of the church (for a number of reasons that are not particularly important for us to get into at this time) were also called to this time of self-examination, prayer, fasting, and introspection before their re-introduction to the church.

Many of you know that today is Ash Wednesday, and you may see people walking around with black marks on their foreheads! Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent, and the ashes symbolize our humility before God, and our recognition that we are mortal. It is a time when we reflect on what we need to change in our lives in order to be the person that God intends us to be, to live responsibly and lovingly as a member of the created world. I hope you'll join me as we look more deeply at the observance of Lent over the next 40 days, take a fearless moral inventory of our lives, and look for ways to find more love, peace, and fulfillment in our lives. I look forward to making this journey with each of you.

A Change of Seasons

Our hostas and lilies are beginning to poke up through the soil. I love this time of year when the garden begins to come alive with new growth. But it also signals a time to re-evaluate things. For instance, the hosta bed by the mailbox is too crowded. It was uncomfortably so last season, and I can tell already that we need to divide the plants this year. I'm always a little worried about dividing plants. I worry that I won't space the re-plants well and I'll have gaps. I worry I might damage a plant in the process and lose it. If I decide on a new garden design, I worry it won't look as good as the old one. I fret over the garden.

Ultimately, I get out the shovel and go at it, and yes, I occasionally lose a plant, and I'm sad, but I can honestly say that each year, our garden gets more beautiful.

So I dig and re-vision. I divide and re-plant. And then I have plants to share with friends.

Church is a lot like that. In the past 3 years, we have created something really beautiful at Sacred Tapestry. We have worked and cultivated and fertilized and grown something that has been a joy and a blessing to many. Now, we're getting a bit crowded. It's time to think about a plan for moving forward. And that's a little intimidating.

But I don't see it as division. I see it as multiplication. I see it as creating new worship experiences to share with more people, and that's exciting.

Healthy growth blesses us so that we can bless others. We get to share.

Here is to a new season of growth and health!

Teresa

No Man Left Behind

I don't come from a military family. My cousin is career Air Force and my step-father was career Navy, but retired before I ever met him. But I've always heard the expression "no man left behind" in the context that a good soldier never leaves a comrade on the battlefield, and I've always admired that concept.

I vacillate between two extremes. Upon occasion, I feel that we make the journey that is our life essentially alone. Yes, sometimes we have company along the way, but often, for some people, the real journey is a pretty solitary one. Other times, I affirm the idea that while our companions along the way may change at times, we journey together.

Of course, God is always with us, but I also believe that God intends us to live in faithful community, so I feel we should always try to remember that our steps are not just our own. Every step moves us closer to someone, and if we aren't careful, farther away from someone that we never meant to leave behind.

Who have you left behind? Sometimes we walk toward something we want, or think we want, and never look back to see who we might have left standing in our dust.

I never think that God intends for us to prosper or grow or evolve at the expense of another person, or even at the expense of a relationship. Jesus commands us to love others in the same way we love ourselves. That means making sure that as we travel, as we move, we're not stepping on someone else's opportunity, or more importantly, their heart.

May we all move forward toward our dreams, being careful to hold on tightly to the hands of those we love, so we don't leave them behind.

Teresa

Glue and other lessons from Hart to Hart

I've been thinking a lot lately about relationships. Why do some relationships last while others flame out quickly? How do some people weather the inevitable storms that every relationship endures and come out the other side stronger, while others drown in the sea of emotion, betrayal, and disappointment? What makes a relationship really work? And I don't just mean romantic entanglements. I'm talking any relationship that has long-term value.

I remember a television show called Hart to Hart. I loved that show. Stephanie Powers as a beautiful, jet-setting journalist married to dashing self-made millionaire Robert Wagner, solving crime and mystery with their butler/housekeeper Max. This was the Big 80's at its best. Expensive cars, luxury hotels, fast boats, designer clothes, huge hair, but the Harts were grounded, right? I mean, they adopted Freeway, a cute little stray dog they found on the, well, freeway, in L.A. But in my impressionable youth, it wasn't the clothes or the cars or the champagne or the opulent vacations or the private jet that so enthralled me. Well, okay, the private jet was very cool. No, what kept me glued to our tv set every week was the relationship between Jonathan and Jennifer Hart. No matter how much evidence to the contrary, no matter how incriminating, no matter how far-fetched, they absolutely trusted each other without reservation. They defended each other even when every fact pointed to another reality. If Jennifer told Jonathan that even in her drug-induced haze that there was a disappearing room in the hospital, then Jonathan believed her. He was her champion. She was his biggest fan. The glue that held them together was trust.

So much is out there to undermine trust in relationships. People are so fragile, and so fallible, and so weak. It's easy to disappoint, or betray, or lose confidence in another person. Our expectations are both ridiculously high, and heartbreakingly low. But sometimes, every now and then, two people get it right, and it's magic. It can happen between lovers or friends or in families. It can happen in the work place. It can happen in crisis. It can happen over the course of a lifetime. But, it happens. And when it does, it's exquisite.

I wonder, sometimes, if we are interested in building and nurturing that sort of radical trust in our relationships. I wonder, sometimes, how many of us are even worthy of that sort of radical trust. I wonder, a lot, if most of us even really believe those kinds of relationship are even possible.

Can you even imagine being that sort of champion for someone else? Can you even imagine having someone be that champion for you? Maybe if we could, we wouldn't be so bent on defending ourselves or staying on offense all the time. What a amazing life that would be.

From my "hart" to yours,
Teresa

Aligning our values with our actions

After only 4 days of being at home because of ice and snow, many people in Atlanta are getting "cabin fever" and making threats (joking I hope) about insisting that schools reopen and take their children, or taking about how bored they are. Now, I understand bored, because I have a very low boredom threshold, but I have not been the least bit bored these 4 days. I've had plenty to do.

I want to see where these bored, stir-crazy people live. They must have homes that are flawlessly organized and clean. They must have lots of leisure time to spend relaxing and enjoying family. They must get to surf the internet a lot because one person even claimed to have read everything on the web in the past 4 days.

I don't have that life. There is always a project waiting in the wings be it a closet that needs to be cleaned out or photos to be sorted, and I never, ever get to spend enough time with my husband or my children.

Most of us would claim that we wish we had more down time, that we want to spend more quality time with family, and yet, when the opportunity presents itself, as it has the past 4 days, many of the comments I've heard would indicate that what people really want is to get back to the office, and to eat more fast food, and to get away from the home fires as fast as they can. (There have been some notable exceptions to that, which has been wonderful to see!)

When I counsel couples for marriage, I always tell them that a lot of relationships get into trouble because the values we profess don't always match our actions. We say we want meaningful, intimate relationships, but we focus our time and energy on other things most of the time. We say we want quality time with our families, but often complain when we are "trapped" with them for even a few days.

Do your actions really align with your values? The past few days might be a litmus test for exactly that.

Stay warm and safe.
Teresa

Snow days and other rites of passage

This morning Atlanta awoke to 5 inches of snow and a city snuggled in (for the most part) for the day. These are the days I miss most since moving south to the ATL...snow days with my children filled with hot chocolate, warm cake, soup, sledding, movies, and board games. So this is heaven for me. Except...this snow day is different than any I've had, because for the first time, I only have one of my children at home. My daughter is snug in her own apartment, with her own hot chocolate, and her own soup, and her own banana bread. Okay, I made it for her, but still, she isn't here.

It's one of those good news/bad news sort of days. She's in college, making her own way in the world, grown up (or almost), independent, capable, and all those things we wish for our children. But she's not here, warm and safe in my house...

So, for me, today is both a great day for remembering all the fun snow days we've shared in the past 20 years, and for deciding to build some new memories with my son and my husband. No, it's not the same. It's different. It feels odd. But, it's okay. We're not empty-nesters yet, but I can see the writing on the wall, and I can't stop it from happening, so I'm celebrating the realization that I have a happy, healthy, independent daughter.

I think life is best lived with an attitude that while life may not bring today what we expect, or even what we want, there is an adventure in each day that presents opportunities for making new memories and new traditions. Even now, the three of us are sitting in the family room, each doing their own work, but together. And later, I'll text or phone the one who is now on her own, who is building her own memories of her first snow day in her own place, and I hope she's building some traditions and memories of her own. And I hope she's remembering the fun and the family she has, and dreaming of the opportunities of many snow days to come.

Each day brings a gift. It's all in how we see it.

Stay warm.
Teresa

Paying Yourself First

I've been thinking a lot about sabbath, longing really, and musing about how some of us aren't very good at observing it. Okay, I'm very guilty of that. I think partly it's a hard-wiring issue and partly it's out and out fear of leaving something undone.

But a wise man pointed out to me recently that even God rests, even Jesus went off alone, a lot, to commune with God, to simply rest his weary body, to pray, and to enjoy the company of friends. So, if even God and Jesus need some down time, then who am I to think I do not?

But you know, I'm not alone in my inability to simply rest. I see it in many of you. And even if you are good at it, you probably know someone you love who isn't.

So, I say let's all make a pact for 2011. Let's agree to slow it down, every now and then, and just enjoy life. Let's agree to gently but firmly encourage those we love to invest a little time in their own souls. We all know the wisdom that one should "pay oneself first" in financial matters, to put away a little in savings before you do anything else, and eventually it becomes a habit, and a healthy one at that. I say let's adopt that same attitude about rest and sabbath. Let's decide to set aside that time first, before we commit to everything else, before we take on a new project, before we schedule all the other obligations we have. Let's agree to set aside that time as holy, to see ourselves as important enough to schedule time to rest, to pray, to smell the roses, to spend time with those we love.

If it is good enough for God, then surely it will nourish our souls, right?

Shalom,
Teresa

Simple joys and everyday grace

This has been a great weekend. I got to talk to my son at his dad's and hear about his NYE. I got to laugh at his wry humor and razor-sharp intuition about people. I got to dream with him about his upcoming adventures and dreams. As I took a moment to look at pictures of him over the last 15 years, I found myself smiling at all the joy he brings me every single day.

I helped my almost 20-year-0ld daughter move into her downtown Atlanta apartment. I got to watch her take charge with the leasing agent and get her paperwork done with no help from me. I got to make her bed in the new apartment and hang her towels and put away her groceries. I got to hear about the great dinner she cooked her boyfriend on New Year's Eve. I got to see a beautiful young woman coming into her own. It was breathtaking. She is breathtaking.

I had a great night away with the love of my life. I got to eat a great, healthful dinner overlooking a beautiful river then sleep in a great bed that someone else prepared for us. I got to be a passenger on the trip rather than the driver. I got a heated seat. I got to watch my husband totally in his element in the international market, talking about vegetables I've never heard of or tasted and spices that smelled exotic and wonderful. It was a peaceful, happy weekend spent in the company of people I love with all my heart.

Sometimes it's all too easy to find fault. Sometimes I forget that abundance is being happy with what you have. Sometimes I forget that others are struggling while I am safe and secure. Sometimes I forget that joy is found in people, not in things or accomplishments.

This weekend, I was reminded just how lucky I am. This weekend, I was reminded just how deeply I love. This weekend, I was reminded that the people that matter most to me are blessings beyond words.

Blessings for a year filled with simple joys and everyday grace.

Teresa